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Math, you say?

[ Okay, NOW he's listening. ]

I hadn't thought they would be quite that intelligent.

[ whaddafuck THAT'S What gets his attention!? THE MATH HOMEWORK BIT???

He's gonna stare at Moriarty like he'd just hit him with a newspaper. ]

--Yeah?
Yeah. Some psychic types are known to have an IQ that's even higher than most humans. Those ones are hard to train though so I'd not suggest just going to get an Alakazam without any prior --

...

Why is that what gets your attention!?

Edited 2025-12-11 23:39 (UTC)

Although my current profession is best described as 'lawyer', I of course did not practice law during my actual human lifetime.

[ Singularities are weird, man. That extremely specific set of circumstances is likely the only situation that could have ever possibly led to James Moriarty of all people becoming a lawyer. ]

No, the most plausible profession for me would have been 'mathematics professor', had my life not taken a different path.

[ Instead, he opted for 'criminal mastermind', which... sure was a choice. ]

I quite like numbers. They speak to me in a way little else does.

In fact, when I was twenty-one, I wrote a treatise upon the Binomial Theorem which was so well-received, I won Mathematical Chair at a small yet respectable English university.

At twenty-one, mind you. They were inviting me to lead their mathematics department at an age when most of my peers had only freshly graduated from university.

[ Oh.

...Oh, he hit the man right in the Autism, he understands now. ]

...

[ oh god he REALLY hit him in the autism what the fuck is a binomial whadda who the

there's a chair for math??? ]

[ he's gonna at least let Moriarty finish his gloating because who likes to be interrupted during their monologuing, this guy seems to REALLY like the sound of his own voice but: Sampo's getting One Thing outta' all that:

this guy's a smartypants. Like he wonders how many PHDs he has, or will have, by the time he's--gasp--twenty-two. ]

I totally know all about Binomial Theorem. You can ask me about it sometime when we're closer friends.

But alright, damn, I get it, I thought you were just a Lawyer but no, you're a Math Teacher too, huh.

This a bad time to admit I dropped outta college?

Edited 2025-12-12 00:11 (UTC)

[ No, Sampo, no, don't bait the mathematician.

Moriarty brightens to an almost comical degree as soon as Sampo claims to know what he's talking about, losing his usual smug edge in favor of pure enthusiasm. Like this, he very much seems his physical age. Apparently talking about math puts the youthful sparkle back in his uncannily dark eyes. ]

Oh, is that so? I'll keep that in mind for the future.

[ Since Sampo has his full attention now, he absolutely doesn't miss Sampo's quiet aside. ]

Hm? Oh, don't worry, I'm not one of those people who put stock solely in academic achievements. The intellect of the individual matters more than whether or not one has a fancy degree attached to their name.

That said, what are your thoughts on Gaussian elimination?

[ QUICK, SWITCH THE TOPIC BACK TO HIS BRAND-NEW POKEMON. ]

[ NO DON'T LOOK SO HAPPY, HE WAS MAKING AN INNUENDO. MORI. MORI, HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU WHY DID THAT GO RIGHT OVER YOUR GAY LITTLE HEAD it's fine

it's fine
it's. fine.

He's gonna clear his throat. ]

--Oh! Oh that's *great!* I'm glad I won't get judged for it. If it helps, I dropped out cause--

[ oh holy fuck he's still going.
Sampo gives him a long blank look as he says the word Gaussian to him.

Think fast, Mr. Cold Feet. ]

Well. You know how it is, with the. The. [ he makes a curve motion with his hand. ]

--Oh, hey, by the way, you should probably name the little guy, too. Some people just let their Pokemon go by their basic name, but in my opinion, it'd be like getting a Cat and calling it Cat....

[ He has no idea. He has absolutely no idea. You're talking to a man who filled his brain with numbers, not romance. ]

Yes, and...?

[ He encourages Sampo to continue, smiling brightly as he awaits Sampo's conclusion, only for the older man to pull a hasty switcheroo. Moriarty glances down at the Love Ball he's still holding, startled as he'd honestly forgotten about the whole matter of his new Pokemon with his lifelong hyperfixation so close at hand. ]

A name?

[ OH THANK GOD, SUCCESS
He managed to divert the conversation. He needs to keep it rolling. He'll keep walking now, too, leading the other one along and towards the forest. He still has his own goal in mind, after all... ]

Yeah! A name! Something to call it by. You can't just go 'hey, cat, do you want dinner' or 'hey you, come help me with this Aquatic Equation' or whatever.

A name!

Like--[ he points at his Shuppet. ] Napkin.

Edited 2025-12-12 01:42 (UTC)

Quadratic.

[ While he automatically corrects Sampo, the combined task of walking while processing Sampo's argument does distract him from prying further. He trails after the older man, still technically Sampo's bodyguard for this little venture. ]

I suppose you have a point. Having a designated name would be more efficient.

[ Not exactly the main reason most people name their pets, but it's something. Sampo is successfully pushing the conversation further and further away from mathematics. ]

Did you say it's a girl? Or is it a boy?

[ You're supposed to be the expert here, Sampo. ]

That's what I said. [ it isn't ] And see? I totally know what I'm talking about. A name is so important!

[ he feels like he's winning at this conversation after all; all while he starts skipping down towards the forest, ignoring the little flock of pidgey that flap and coo overhead as they disappear into the trees. ]

A girl. [ he doesn't know that for sure. but he has a feeling. Some pokemon just don't have discerning markings or anything, and Espurr didn't either. Until it evolved. But Maybe he'll win the 50/50. And besides. Mori'd never know. ] Definitely a girl.

[ Moriarty does briefly side-eye the flock of Pidgey like he's considering whether or not to chuck a fireball at those little birds, but they don't seem to be threatening Sampo, so, it's probably fine to ignore them. ]

In that case...

Hrm...

[ It'd be easier if he was dealing with a boy. Moriarty can think of plenty of men in his life, but when he tries to think of notable women, he comes up completely blank. Hell, even his big dramatic rivalry was with another man. And it's not like his future self married, either. ]

A name fit for a girl........

[ the pidgey are goin about their merry way for now, so it's fine, they're entering the forest via a path. He might see a few little bugs skittering past their feet but nothing threatening--for now. They're only a few steps in it's totally fine. ]

I totally know it's hard to just pop one off. Take your time.

But If I can give a suggestion--think of maybe people in your life? Friends you have? Or people you know?

I named my Jolteon--she's like an electric fox--Serval because she's got a bad girl attitude and can zap the hell outta me.

[ Just know he will Fire Blast a small animal on your behalf, Sampo, should the situation call for it. ]

Serval?

[ Sampo is personally acquainted with wild animals? Nevermind, he can't afford to get distracted. As his thoughts turn away from his human lifetime and toward what he has personally experienced, well... something DOES come to mind, although Moriarty doesn't know if he would describe it as good.

If there's one female name he's heard over and over and over, it's undoubtedly— ]

Beatrice.

[ He mutters the name to himself, disgruntled by the realization. ]

[ And he will be so impressed with you even if the small animal isn't deserving of a fire blast to its face. it definitely probably won't deserve it. but then again he's run into a Bewear in this woods before, so... ]

Oh!

[ HE ACTUALLY CAME UP WITH A NAME! sampo looks proud... ]

Not my usual style for names, but hey, I'm sure she'll love it!!

Is she a friend of yours???

Not exactly.

[ Even though Moriarty arrived in this world without the other half of M&D in tow, Moriarty's memory of the man's voice is still crystal clear. He can hear his former legal partner's distinctive "Heheh..." as clearly as if he's standing behind Moriarty now—which he isn't, and Moriarty won't fall for the urge to check.

If it wasn't that distinctive chuckle signifying his entry into any given conversation, then he was usually saying something about his most famous work—or his beloved Beatrice. ]

I knew someone who was annoyingly obsessed with a woman named Beatrice.

He was my partner—although obviously, since I arrived here alone, the odds of me seeing him again are rather slim.

I don't know if he'd appreciate me naming a cat creature after his beloved muse, but...

[ Fuck it, it's not like he has any other ideas. ]

Well, he'll never know, will he?

Oh?? Partner, huh?? Sometimes people have their hangups... [ oh this poor guy
is that why he ignored his bisexual joke??? because it's a sore spot?? his partner obsessed with some lady??
he can't imagine how it must feel to be ignored for a lady but then again
sampo could be both so it's not like it really mattered to him. gender was a silly concept. ] But no, you're totally right.

I can't say I know much about the other-worldly travelers, being I'm from this world myself, but. The few I do know have usually come alone.

Even if it hurts... the possibility the fella shows up is pretty--as you might like to say it--mathematically not on your side.

[ He'll reach over and give him a heavy shoulder pat. there there friend it's okay. do you need a hug ]

[ It's a thought he's tried not to dwell on. Not because it'll slow him down—absolutely not. It's not like he misses having that stupid Italian underfoot all the time. Keeping the name and the office intact was more about efficiency, being the most expedient way to present a professional front to the world, and not because he actually ended up liking the business they built together. ]

Oh, believe me, I know. The odds of him following me here are astronomically slim.

Given the timing of my abduction, as well, I wasn't long for the world I left behind. Even if I returned there tomorrow, it's far more likely that I'll run out of mana and disappear for good before finding him out there on that hellish battlefield.

Which leaves the most logical conclusion: I'll never see him again.

[ Then Sampo pats him like he's a grieving widow, and Moriarty simply stares back at him, privately baffled by the offered sympathy. ]

Is my choice of name in poor taste?

[ Is that why he's getting pat? Should he pick a different name instead?? ]

[ Sampo's steps slow down a little as they continue along the little forest path, and he'll--for once--shut up and listen. sampo being silent is a rarity on his own--but hearing the other talk like that--with an expression that seems nonplussed, and even a tone that doesn't sound too upset, but the way he's talking sounds... sad.

If he were in Moriarty's position he'd be sad. Torn from his partner's side moment before your own death; and then being assured you're never going to see that person again...

He reaches up with that hand that was on Mori's shoulder and ruffles his head instead--careful to avoid his lil ahoge. ]

No way. A name like that is a great idea. Like having something to remember him by, you know? Memories are pretty important things, while you can still remember them. You know?

[ he doesn't have many of his own, from his past life. Aha Obfuscates them all. ]

You'll get to live on in this world, so. Isn't it worth it to keep a memory alive too?

[ Moriarty inevitably startles when Sampo ruffles his hair. He's not used to being touched casually, let alone with something like affection, although he doesn't dislike the experience. It's not bad, just new. ]

Well... yes. I suppose so. Beatrice it is, then.

[ Granted, when he tries to imagine Dante's potential reaction to hearing Moriarty named this little cat creature something so ridiculously sentimental, an unfamiliar emotion—embarrassment? mortification?—flutters uncomfortably in his gut.

It's not something a science guy would do. It's undeniably more of a literature guy move, and he'd probably never let Moriarty live it down if he knew. Ugh. ]

[ sampo isn't an emotional guy--he's all jokes and silliness, but there's something he's very good at, and it's noticing things that are extremely subtle. and he's noticed the extremely subtle shift to Moriarty's expression and general emotions here. Whoever Mori's thinking of right now, his emotions about them sure are complicated, huh?

Who knew, Lawyers could actually have emotions... damn. He'll know that for later!! ]

Either you're pretty happy, or you're feeling sheepish. If you wanna' change the subject to avoid being flustered, I can give you an opening, pal.~

[ He absolutely won't thank Sampo for the opportunity, but he will take advantage of the opening he's being offered. ]

You must be mistaken. I'm never flustered about anything.

Ever.

[ SOFT AND SQUISHY EMOTIONS ARE FOR THE WEAK-MINDED, SAMPO, NOT MATHEMATICAL GENIUSES. ]

Anyway! It's only right to let this little creature know I have decided to bestow upon her a name of my choosing.

[ He's gonna try letting her out of the ball. Sampo said he just needs to press the front button, right? Click. ]

Never, right. Gotcha. Can't be flustered or anything when you're a strong and determined law man, right?

[ He looks pleased with himself; and he doesn't come across as sarcastic when he says this--making sure to fix his tone so he sounds matter-of-fact about it instead of teasing. ]

Heyyy, now that's a good idea. Let her out and see if she likes it. I'm sure if she doesn't she'll let you know immediately.

Precisely. My clients depend on my calm and logical mind, you know.

[ Before he can continue that train of thought, however, the Espurr reappears at his side. Not directly clinging to his leg this time, at least, but still standing far closer to him than Sampo. ]

Yes, hello again. I have given the matter more thought, and I have something to say to you.

[ The Espurr in question peers up at him with those intense staring eyes, clearly curious, but there's something undeniably serious, almost dignified, about the way she holds herself. ]

Since you have chosen me as your Master, I shall likewise bestow upon you a True Name to complete this pseudo-contract.

Henceforth, just as I am James Moriarty, you will be known as Beatrice!

[ He points at her when he makes the declaration, for dramatic emphasis.

All the grandiose Master/Servant talk goes completely over her head, obviously, but she's smart enough to realize he's offering her a name.

Rather than immediately respond, the Espurr considers. She closes her eyes, tilting her head in thought. In fact, the silence lasts just long enough that Moriarty begins to sweat, wondering if she's going to reject the name he's chosen.

Then, just as dramatically as he pointed at her, her eyes suddenly snap open.

Beatrice mews, a formal squeak of acceptance as she holds her head high. ]

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