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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm—

[ That low sound isn't a purr or a growl, but rather the annoyed hum of a man who doesn't want to admit Dante's logic is sound. ]

—fine.

I'm not tired, not even slightly, but going through the charade might prove... calming. Maybe.

Anyway, it's not like I have a better idea.

[ Saying so, the ermine finally creeps out of hiding, allowing Dante to behold his furry form in full. ]

[ ...is... he allowed to pick you up, sir? because he's gonna try to pick you up.

he won't HOLD him though--~~Bond level 6 at least is needed for something like that even if you are cute~~--he'll immediately move to put him on the couch with a plop. Figuring he'd have difficulty scampering up that himself. ]

It's a nice sunny day outside, despite the cold. And the room is such a comfortable temperature...

I've missed these old couches. I could have a nap totally easily...

Heheh.

So you'll just have to relax and try to turn back, too. Do you have a radio...? We could listen to some music while we siesta.

[ Moriarty is not THRILLED about being picked up, and his little paws dangle helplessly until Dante places him on top of the couch cushion. He grumbles under his breath for a few moments, only shaking off the brief annoyance when Dante references the comfortable temperature of the office. ]

Ah, that's probably the Divine Air Conditioner.

[ Is he going to explain further? Not at all. ]

There's the office gramophone, of course, but I won't be able to operate it like this.

I've heard you can use your smartphone to play music as well, although I won't be able to do that either.

...Divine Air Conditioner?
You have a... conditioner from heaven...

No wonder it's so nice in here...

[ he's gonna move to sit on the couch, right next to Mori. That's right--he's not moving over to the other side of the room to the other couch. He's gonna shift to lie down on the same one as Moriarty and everything. He's tapping at his phone, now... ]

It's okay. You take it easy in this form, I'll take care of it...

Heheh...

I'm too lazy to deal with that old thing right now. This thing has something called 'Spotify' on it... I think it's... ah, yes.

There's music. [ ...he's going to play classical, of course. ]

[ Is it from Heaven, specifically? It could be. He has no idea, frankly; all he really cares about is that it works as advertised, regardless of the origin of its "divine" status. ]

Hey, watch it!!

[ The couch is just barely big enough for one of them to lie down on top of, but there's not really room for both Dante and Moriarty, even if he's currently a weasel.

He's forced to scramble up onto the back of the couch, and once Dante has fully sprawled out, Moriarty leaps down on top of his legal partner's chest. ]

Were you trying to crush me?

[ Although Moriarty sounds the same as he always has, the visual impact has changed. He can't managed the same level of annoyed indignation when he's a tiny white weasel. ]

[ ...it's really funny, being able to see the exact emotions and silliness that Moriarty usually exudes while he's in such a little, tiny form. The stern, pure black eyes, the ears pinned back with that flat look the man fixes him with...

Delightful. ]

No. I expected you to be brilliant enough to move... and you did.

[ predictably, Moriarty moved to accommodate. He then reaches up with a hand to smooth fingers through the soft fur atop Moriarty's head, and down the back of his ... neck? Body? Cat Tubes are such weird creatures. ]

Hehheh.
You said you needed to relax in order to change back...

Just lying down and forcing yourself to sleep isn't relaxing...

So I thought I'd just do this.

[ HE IS AN ERMINE, NOT A "CAT TUBE", THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ]

Do what, exactly—?

[ His sarcastic demand is interrupted by the smooth gesture of Dante's hand.

It's definitely a weird feeling, although surprisingly not an unwelcome one. In fact, being stroked like an oversized pipe cleaner does something to his tiny stupid animal brain, causing Moriarty to shut up and let Dante do as he pleases. ]

[ get petted, idiot.
He won't offer any more words, as he knows, full well, that anything he might say in this moment might set the mouthy man off into some sort of rant and completely derail what he's currently trying to do.

Which is to mean that he's putting his phone on his coffee table and continuing to drag his fingernails along the others' fur, behind his ears, along the top of his head...

repeating the motion as he props his head up with an arm, letting his own eyes close. ]

[ Moriarty has not slept once since he arrived here. He's been going at full speed, nonstop, since the end of November—which probably explains a lot, about the way he is in general.

Without Dante here to force him to slow down, he's completely missed the forest for the trees, hyper-focused on the goals he's been trying his best to accomplish by himself.

The rhythmic sensation of Dante's fingernails lulls Moriarty into befuddled stupor, and those intelligent dark eyes finally close for more than a few moments of contemplation. ]

[ He might not be fully aware of everything that Moriarty got up to in his month that he's been here before himself--but if he knows the man well as he's sure he does, he knows the man doesn't know how to slow down.

Therefore, he has absolutely no problem forcing it on him, even if he had to use sneaky tricks.

and what's a sneakier trick than to pet a small creature into submission? He's sure it'll be effective so long as he keeps it up, right?

Well.

hopefully Moriarty's asleep by the time Dante dozes off, leaving his hand laid upon the fuzzy back of the sleek cat-tube. ]

[ Of course, the downside of Dante's cunning plan is that neither of them really considered what would happen if it actually worked.

The couch is just big enough for one person—which means when Moriarty does inevitably transform back to his usual form, there's nowhere for him to go.

Sheer lack of space means he ends up exactly where he started out: sprawled on top of Dante. Only, a human man is much taller than a stoat, so while Dante's hand remains somewhere on his back, his legs are now long enough to tangle with Dante's, and his face ends up nestled between Dante's and the back seat cushion of the couch.

Oh, he's a lot heavier than a weasel, too. ]

[ HUBRIS

THIS IS THE TRUE COST OF HUBRIS ]

[ Dante sleeps pretty solidly even when Moriarty eventually transforms back, the sudden size and weight isn't something that stirs him simply because he's strong enough to handle the weight. And he's a sleepy bitch anyway, all the excitement of travelling to a new world...

Nope. He doesn't wake up.
Not until, of course, he starts to feel really... warm?
The Divine Air Conditioner does a perfect job in keeping the temperature of the office perfectly, so. that's changed when you're suddenly tangled up with another person who runs way warmer than your average heated blanket.

He stirs when he starts to feel too warm in his thick, padded jeans and wooly sweater... eyes flickering opening as he realises his mistake.

Cazzo.
He should have asked if Moriarty had a bed upstairs or something. Like a normal person. Instead of seeking out what was normal and nap on a couch. ]

M, mori.

[ the sound of a man who has the full weight of another on his chest. ack. ]

Edited 2026-01-22 23:08 (UTC)

...?

[ He was warm and comfortable and taking a much-needed mental break from existing, but a particular sound—the groans of the dead? the wheezing of the damned??—ends up disturbing his peaceful repose.

Of course, the moment his brain begins working again, he's inevitably going to wake up the rest of the way. Once he starts thinking, it's hard for him to stop.

He lifts his head from Dante's shoulder, only to realize that this slight adjustment has put his face scant inches away from Dante's. ]

.......?!?!

Dante?!??!?!

[ Really, considering the state in which they drifted off, this was the obvious conclusion. The whole distressing 'being a weasel' thing must have just distracted himself from this embarrassingly avoidable outcome.

But it's not like he plasters himself on top of other men like saran wrap in his free time, so this is decidedly a first for him!!! ]

I'm up! I'm up!

[ In his haste to scramble off of Dante, however, he forgets that the couches can only support one person laying flat on their back, and so the purchase he seeks simply is nowhere to be found.

Moriarty's efforts to shift to the side only meet empty air, and gravity does the rest, taking him down hard. He ends up hitting his head on the corner of the table on the way down. He clutches his head in pain, cursing loudly. ]

[ To add insult to the copious physical and mental injuries he's sustained thus far, the entire humiliating disaster ends up triggering his curse yet again, and Moriarty instantly turns back into a weasel. ]

God DAMMIT!

[ oh

oh no. oh all of this is happening way too fast. he's groggy after just waking up and while the thought to CATCH james before he goes careening off the couch absolutely crosses his mind...

it only stays on his mind.
and he utterly fails to grab the other to keep him from what happens next.

Crash.
Bang. Slam.

A colorful curse. The smell of blood.

...

And now he's a little weasel again.

Dante............ Stares.

In completely stunned silence. ]

[ ...before going absolutely belly-up on the couch with raucous laughter at the absolute COMEDY he just witnessed. Wheeze. Cough. Sob. Hack.

He's going to choke from laughing so hard. ]

STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!

[ This might very well be the worst day of his technically extremely short life?!

Maybe he's still asleep and this is actually just a nightmare. That would be preferable, actually.

Wake up wake up wake up wake up— ]

I--I can't... I can't help it...

I can't...

You just... so animated... you...

Bounced and... right back to...

Square one...

[ help him, he's got tears coming from the corners of his eyes... ]

...hehehh... well... we did try...

This confounding curse!!

[ He can't even be mad at the person who got him into this mess, because it was wholly unintentional.

Moriarty bares his tiny fangs with frustration as Dante wheezes with laughter. Determined to prove he really can put mind over matter, he darts behind the opposite couch. This will be easier if he can't feel Dante's eyes on him.

Concentrating, Moriarty shuts out the world around him, focusing on the one thing he can truly rely on: mathematics.

Moriarty basically sits there reciting the digits of pi to himself until the embarrassing pounding of his pulse fades and he's able to block out the recent memory of Dante's gleeful laughter. ]

[ When he successfully transforms back, he pops out of hiding. ]

There!

You see?!?

I'm fine!

[ Just ignore the blood trickling down the side of his face. ]

[ it's funny
its so funny, he's sorry he can't HELP it
here he is, having had a nice, cozy nap for little over an hour or two--only to be back to Weasel Town. All because he got so flustered at sleeping like that?

Ah, what a silly prude.

He's wiping the tears from his eyes by the time Moriarty jumps up and Dante takes a long look at him.

Moving to stand... taking a handkerchief out of his pocket to ...

definitely not dab delicately at the blood on his face. Scrub scrub --stop struggling come here!! ]

You're bleeding...

[ It wasn't so much finding himself intimately entangled with Dante that gave him a partial heart attack, so much as being confronted with the Italian man's shockingly pretty features at such close range. Damn him and his incredible eyelashes and his stupidly soulful gray eyes. ]

Are you deaf? I said I'm fine.

[ Such a small injury will patch itself up before long. He's clearly chosen to pretend it's not even there. ]

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