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[ okay this is amazing.
there's a sound like bells and laughter ringing in his head softly, as the view of Moriarty's shocked and stunned expression brings a little joy to his favorite passenger--as this more than pays the price for the god for the week. ah, sweet satisfaction and freedom for a while.

he does another twist around, a spin on his heels, and a bow. he then touches the back of his head with a hand. when he does so... he's sampo again. the same as he was before. ]

--Just having a bit of fun.
I told you I knew a 'cool trick', didn't I?

Ol' Sam can change into whoever he wants, so long as he can remember their face.

...Well now.

You certainly keep your promises.

[ Although he attempts to recover some of his dignity once Sampo reveals the truth, the effect is closer to a cat hastily cleaning itself after an embarrassing fall: he's still clearly flustered, even if he's trying to play it cool. ]

Your reaction was totally worth it. You were all like....

Bwuh!?

It was amazing.
Sorry, sorry. If we're gonna' be good pals, I should warn you, I'm a bit of a joker, yanno?
But other than that, I'm totally harmless.

Come on, let's get going. Don't wanna' get stuck in here so long that the sun goes down.

Duly noted.

[ At this stage in his life, he hasn't developed his own taste for pranks and mischief just yet. If Sampo was dealing with the true Napoleon of Crime, he'd probably be in for a bit of a prank war—but as it stands, this Moriarty is simply an easy target. ]

Neither do I. Although for what it's worth, I can light our way if it proves necessary.

Lead on.

[ NEW TARGET FOR PRANKS ACQUIRED. worry not aha you'll get your fill of this one and his hilarious expressions soon.

for now he's gonna turn and start to move out into the grassy field, towards the treelines. usually the berry trees were very stripped clean this close to the gate but it was.... worth a try.

as he goes, Moriarty might find himself a little... heavy-legged, as trying to stride forward with his left leg comes a bit more difficult as it seems something is... clinging to it. ]

—Agh?!

[ Yeah, no, he wasn't expecting the sudden weight, which throws him off-balance to the point that he nearly trips.

If he wasn't a Servant, he absolutely would have, but his enhanced reflexes help him regain his coordination just in time before he ends up making a complete fool of himself. ]

What in the world?!

...?

[ sampo turns around to see what the noise was. only to see that Moriarty's... already found a friend, already. a wide-eyed little baby cat thing that looks like it's seen the horrors with how vacant her stare is.

sampo blinks as the thing seems insistent on holding onto moriarty's leg. weird. ]

Hey, JJ. You uh. Did you step on something belonging to the little fella? --[ he can't tell if its a male or female oops ] It seems pretty.... intent on staring at you.

...
Oooh.
That's a Psychic type. Like I mentioned. Maybe your confusion with my prank's got her concerned about you...?

I WAS JUST A LITTLE STARTLED, THAT'S ALL.

[ Even when he defensively raises his voice, the little creature doesn't flinch.

Instead, it starts to slowly, deliberately, paw at his pant leg—like it's petting him, the way one might attempt to soothe an agitated pet. That intent yet vacant stare refuses to leave his. ]

Really, I'm—I'm all right, I swear. It was merely good harmless fun.

Wasn't it? Sampo.

[ HELP HIM OUT HERE ]

.... [ oh this is so cute.
sampo's never seen an Espurr in the wild--and honestly the name of the creature currently escapes him even if he's mentally trying to recall it (Esma? Ekurr? something like that...)

and a smile slowly settles over his features. ]

Just a little, that's all!! I get it, I get it!
Buuuuuut. It's this little one that seems way more worried about you.

Aww. It's trying to comfort you...

Look at it. Little fella'. You just wanna make your new buddy feel better, dont'cha? [ he's gonna crouch and offer his hand. ]

[ SAMPO THIS ISN'T HELPING ]

Yes, but—how do I convince it to let go?

[ When Sampo approaches, the Espurr finally glances his way, wide-eyed and staring like most of its kind.

Although it doesn't let go of Moriarty's pant leg, it does outstretch its tiny paw in his direction, in a manner reminiscent of a princess awaiting a proper show of respect. ]

Oho. Well, usually it's just a matter of asking. Like I said, they're animals, but they're intelligent. Especially psychic types. This one.... reminds me of a princess, and she's telling me to 'stand down, Jester!' I can hear it. [ He can't hear it. ]

It feels to me like she likes you. And that's why she's hanging onto you.

These little fellas can gain an affinity for people when they see them. Just at a glance. It's how me and Hoopa became buddies.[ excuse him as he goes into his bag and pulls out a pink ball. it looks similar to the ball Napkin had come out of, but it's got a heart on it instead of orange circles. ]

Here. Offer this to her. If she likes you, she'll go in willingly.

At a glance?!

[ Does it really happen so easily? But... why him? Of all people? ]

What is that?

[ Despite asking, he automatically accepts the strange pink ball. The Espurr looks up at the ball in his hand, then back at him. Somehow, even though her expression hasn't changed once since she initially appeared, Moriarty feels an expectant intensity behind those wide staring eyes. ]

Uh... all right, then.

[ If this is what she wants, then so be it. Clearly not understanding this process at all, he offers her the weird orb, leaning down so that she can touch it if she wishes.

There's no hesitation. While deliberately maintaining eye contact, she reaches out and then disappears inside the Poké Ball. He jolts, surprised. ]

Where did it go!?

Aaaaaand there she goes. Yep. Knew it. Just as I thought, she was real keen on you.

[ that's just how it shakes out, man!!! He looks pretty impressed with how all that went down. imagine, having a cat look at you and immediately decide that your clown energy was sufficient and you needed her companionship. it's touching, really!!! ]

Eh? Where else? Inside the ball. Remember when I first showed you Napkin?

You just throw the ball on the ground to pop it open, or just press the button there and she'll come out.

She's yours now, so, whenever you want to carry her around without actually hauling around a big kittycat, just pop her in there.

--And don't worry, the Pokeball is perfectly comfortable. It's like a mini spa and resort all in one in there.

[ Wait, is Sampo saying what Moriarty thinks he's saying?

He thought the goal was to find a way to get the little creature off of him without upsetting or hurting it, not—whatever just happened. Him adopting her? Her adopting him? Frankly, he's entirely out of his element here. ]

So that entire animal... is now inside this ball. The one I'm currently holding in my hand.

[ His tone is incredulous, as if this is somehow more ridiculous than the fact that he's a magical recreation of a possibly fictional criminal mastermind who was summoned here from another universe. ]

Yeah! It's like... a little home. They're cozy and comfy in there and it'll keep them both safe and warm. They'll wanna' come out and wander around though so don't just keep them in there the...

[ Oh

Moriarty's expression. ]

Right.
You didn't expect that. These little guys like to bond with humans. It's your buddy now. Ssssshould I have warned you?

YES, OBVIOUSLY?!

[ He's been here all of what, five minutes, and now he's personally responsible for some sort of little psychic animal?! DOES HE LOOK LIKE A MAN WHO SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR LIVING BREATHING CREATURES, SAMPO, DOES HE. ]

May I remind you that I am not human, so there's really no reason for such a creature to have latched onto me so—decisively.

[ He's staring at the Love Ball now like Sampo has handed him a bomb. ]

I mean, who doesn't like pets. I know a lott'a inhuman people who have pets. It keeps you active and gives you something to look after. You know?

I live with a guy who's basically a ghost and he LOVES the little guys. He likes them so much, the city's organization that specializes in these little guys is funded by him--and they give him special stuff to give out relating to the fellas all the time.

....

I mean, if you really don't want her, I could always take the ball off yer hands, but.
She seemed really attached to you. Psychic types like that know stuff, yanno?

[ hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb hands you a bomb ]

Yes, well—

[ Truly, there had been no hesitation in the Espurr's intense gaze. She knew exactly what she wanted, and she got it. In some sense, he can't help but admire that level of shameless confidence.

On the other hand, this absolutely wasn't the plan. ]

Somehow, I feel like handing her over now would make me the bad guy in this situation.

[ Which shouldn't be a problem for a future villain, except he's currently on his best behavior at the moment. ]

What should I... do with her, exactly?

Awww. That means you do have a soft spot for her. It was the big eyes and the fuzzy ears, wasn't it? I get it. I was like that when Jolteon followed me home from the goodwill.

[ he looks absolutely mischevious. ]

Well, that's easy! Be her buddy. Feed her snacks, play with her. Enjoy her company.

She's an Espurr, which means she's like a cat. She doesn't need your 24/7 attention. Letting her exist in your office space'll probably be enough for her. And because she's the psychic type she could help you with all sorts of things, too. They're smart. Like. PHD smart.

Could help you with your math homework smart.

‎

Math, you say?

[ Okay, NOW he's listening. ]

I hadn't thought they would be quite that intelligent.

[ whaddafuck THAT'S What gets his attention!? THE MATH HOMEWORK BIT???

He's gonna stare at Moriarty like he'd just hit him with a newspaper. ]

--Yeah?
Yeah. Some psychic types are known to have an IQ that's even higher than most humans. Those ones are hard to train though so I'd not suggest just going to get an Alakazam without any prior --

...

Why is that what gets your attention!?

Edited 2025-12-11 23:39 (UTC)

Although my current profession is best described as 'lawyer', I of course did not practice law during my actual human lifetime.

[ Singularities are weird, man. That extremely specific set of circumstances is likely the only situation that could have ever possibly led to James Moriarty of all people becoming a lawyer. ]

No, the most plausible profession for me would have been 'mathematics professor', had my life not taken a different path.

[ Instead, he opted for 'criminal mastermind', which... sure was a choice. ]

I quite like numbers. They speak to me in a way little else does.

In fact, when I was twenty-one, I wrote a treatise upon the Binomial Theorem which was so well-received, I won Mathematical Chair at a small yet respectable English university.

At twenty-one, mind you. They were inviting me to lead their mathematics department at an age when most of my peers had only freshly graduated from university.

[ Oh.

...Oh, he hit the man right in the Autism, he understands now. ]

...

[ oh god he REALLY hit him in the autism what the fuck is a binomial whadda who the

there's a chair for math??? ]

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